Is it hot in here? I'm still a little flushed after Magic Milo's show at Kate's bachelorette party this week. Wow. That was one of the wildest bachelorette parties I've ever seen on daytime.
I hope the Floating Rib had insurance on that pool table because whipped cream and whiskey are definitely going to stain the felt. (Yes, I'm high-strung and worry about things like that. Just call me Alexis Davis the second.)
Milo stripping wasn't the only jaw-dropping moment at the party. I'm still stunned at the fact that Kate is now barely trying to hide her randy Connie side and that no one is noticing. I'm also stunned that Lulu and Elizabeth would be so callous as to talk about Liz's kiss with Jason and their future together, only a few bar stools from Jason's listening wife. Cold, ladies.
As I sat down to write this column, I was torn whether to lead this story with the bachelor/bachelorette parties or with Elizabeth's personality shift and her alleged switching of DNA results. I chose the parties for two reasons. Due to tight soap budgets, it's rare these days that fans are treated to shows where most of the cast members interact. Also, it's even rarer in daytime that entire shows are devoted to characters just having fun.
Bravo, GH, for giving us both. The poker game at Sonny's restaurant had me laughing non-stop, mostly due to Spinelli's musings (Romeo and Juliet could have been spared, if only they had had texting) and Max's obsession with hobbits. Strangely enough though, Sonny didn't really attend his own party. He spent the whole evening in his office, threatening Trey. Oh, well, maybe it was for the best. Sonny is a bit of a drama queen.
Jason, Michael, Max, Dante, and Spinelli seemed to be having a ball. Spinelli, the alleged "card counter," tried to best Jason in the game, revealing a full house in one hand, as Jason laid down a straight flush. Was there ever a doubt that Jason would triumph? Jason has the best poker face ever. They don't call him Stone Cold for nothing.
The parties, while fun, also advanced the plot. Spinelli called lab tech Ellie to try to get to the bottom of the DNA results. Sonny threatened Trey again. Kate resorted to full-blown Connie, or perhaps another personality we haven't even named yet. And Sam agonized over her marriage ending.
Watching a bunch of characters play poker or gather at a bar may seem silly to some viewers. But on a show that is so heavy on drama with baby switches, baby deaths, rape, violence, and mental illness, I welcome the fun. It's nice to take a break from all the heavy drama once in a while.
I have argued vehemently in the past that we need lighter fare in daytime, and I stand by that today. But for some reason, these types of "fun" days are rarer than Jason wearing a primary color.
If done correctly, these "fun" shows can be just as effective as any of the serious drama storylines. (One of my all-time favorite scenes on my all-time favorite non-soap show, The West Wing, was of the staff and the president playing a game of poker. It still makes me chuckle all these years later, as I recall the all-knowing president quizzing his staff on trivia.)
Some of you may argue that Magic Milo's striptease went a bit too far on the fun spectrum, even bordering on too spicy for daytime. I say at least the show is trying to lighten up a bit. Someone on the GH writing staff apparently enjoyed the summer hit movie Magic Mike. On a side note, if Milo perfects his dance moves, I think Channing Tatum may have some competition from Milo and his perfect 29-inch waist. Milo just took the title of best male body in Port Charles. Sorry Shawn, Jason, and Steve. Lulu, consider yourself lucky that he's your new personal trainer.
I'm still trying to understand the hot mess that is Kate/Connie. She was so over the top at her party. The only thing for certain is that Dr. Keenan's treatment was an epic fail. Worst. Doctor. Ever. As much as this Kate storyline is annoying me, part of me is grateful that she's lusting after anything in tight pants. Otherwise, we never would have been treated to Magic Milo.
Jax was in the house! Only briefly, but long enough to shoot pool and share a couple kisses with his bestie Alexis. I love the Jax/Alexis friendship. Alexis wasn't the only one bumming that Jax was headed back to Australia. Please, GH, get Ingo Rademacher back, if for no other reason than to throw him in a triangle with Alexis and Shawn. That coupling is so awkward that I feel like I'm watching teenagers on their first date.
Was anyone else howling at Kate nicknaming Johnny "Jay Z?" Priceless.
Speaking of the brooding mobster, what has happened to my Johnny? He's ready to leave town, and I don't blame him. His character has taken a beating these last few months. I'd be ready to cut and run, too. When the truth comes out about his role in the deadly shootout, what's going to happen to Johnny? I feel like he's been written into a corner. I know there are plenty of characters who have committed horrible acts -- Todd and Luke come to mind -- that have remained viable and interesting on-screen. I just hope someone on staff can figure out what to do with "Jay Z." Brandon Barash is a talent who gives his Johnny layers.
I thought I knew Elizabeth Webber. But last week, she made some questionable decisions. It appears that Liz switched the DNA results on Sam's paternity test in an effort to keep Jason and Sam from reconciling. She also bragged about her relationship with Jason, within earshot of his wife. (What is this, an episode of 90210?)
This conniving, scheming Elizabeth is a far cry from the character I've come to know and love. This version of Elizabeth is reminiscent of the girl we first met when she came to Port Charles, dragging on a cigarette and scheming to get Lucky away from her older sister.
If the goal is to take Elizabeth in a new direction, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Yes, Rebecca Herbst plays a bad girl well, but I've always loved Liz as a good girl who doesn't always make the best choices. (The Nikolas debacle comes to mind.) Perhaps that's what this DNA switch was -- a bad decision that Elizabeth will soon right.
My only explanation for this is that Elizabeth wants Jason, and love, so badly that she resorted to this heinous act for her own selfish reasons. How long she lets this lie continue will determine whether Elizabeth is going to break bad. I love Herbst, and I'm along for the ride. I just hope Liz doesn't continue this lie. Poor Sam has suffered enough.
I'm going to 'fess up and tell you that Sabrina is one of my favorite movies of all time. Audrey Hepburn was divine. I even loved the remake with Julia Ormond. So, the very fact that Sabrina, the new nurse with the messy hair and glasses, is named Sabrina makes me think that she's going to blossom into a glamorous swan before our eyes one day. So far, I'm enjoying this tale, especially when she fantasized about dumping food all over that cold Dr. Britt.
Speaking of beautiful Britt, why is it that every hot female doctor that comes to General Hospital turns out to be a bitch? When I first saw Britt, she reminded me of Addison Shepherd, when she first came to Grey's Anatomy in her stilettos. I thought that we might actually get a strong, beautiful, likeable woman added to the GH cast. But the minute she got sassy with Sabrina was the minute I rolled my eyes. And then when Britt wouldn't put Patrick on the phone with Sabrina to deal with an upset Emma, that was it for me. Another scheming, manipulative female doctor! Great. Let's just hope she doesn't turn out to be psycho.
Whoever is running the human resources department at GH really needs to be fired. The last few hires at the hospital have turned out to be full-on lunatics. Ewen and Lisa, I'm talking to you.
Is it just me or has Carly gone all Sears on us? She's definitely been showing a "softer side" lately. I'm waiting for the minute she finds out about Johnny's lies. I'm hoping she goes old-school Carly on him.
What happened to Carly and Jason's friendship? It seems these two barely talk anymore. I know Jason has Spinelli and Sonny, but Carly needs a girlfriend. For years, that was Jason. It's time Carly got a sounding board of her own. Maybe Felicia? It would give her something to do.
Thank you, ABC, for not hitting us over the head with the Hershey's Syrup advertisement. You worked it in beautifully, having Sabrina pour the chocolate into the glasses and make some delicious milk. I was hoping they wouldn't gush about how much they love Hershey's Syrup, and they didn't. I know it is necessary to have advertising in daytime these days, and that was the way to do it.
Speaking of ABC, I was screaming like a little girl at the commercial airing for the new fall show Last Resort during the GH timeslot. I am a huge Felicity fan. Team Ben, if you must know, and apparently whoever wrote that ad for Last Resort was, too. The ad simply stated the reason we should watch: "Four words -- Scott Speedman in uniform." Well played, ABC.
I can't believe it's been a year since Jason and Sam were married. I couldn't help but feel sorry for them. Most couples who make it to their one-year anniversary aren't signing divorce papers.
Johnny and Todd and their "crazy lady" problems are a hoot. One has multiple-personality Kate threatening him, and the other has completely-off-the-rails Heather threatening him. Who knew that all it takes to neutralize two powerful men is a little bit of blackmail?
I can't wait for Spinelli's date with Ellie. I'm so over his Maxie obsession. I also think he and Sabrina may have potential. Am I nuts?
Finally, I was unable to be a part of Dan J Kroll's wonderful tribute show to John Ingle last Friday on Soap Central Live. However, I would like to take time here to say how much I loved Ingle and everything he brought to daytime and the role of Edward Quartermaine. Ingle was one of those actors whose performance was so authentic that you forgot that he was acting. His Edward Quartermaine was so effortlessly charming that ladies half his age couldn't help but be smitten, including myself.
I'm so grateful that we had that one last beautiful scene with him saving Emma, giving the thumbs-up, and saying, "I love you, too." It still gives me chills to know that just days after it aired, he would pass away. Thank you, Mr. Ingle, for the gift of Edward all these years. I'm sorry that those in charge ignored your talent and the treasure chest of Quartermaine family goodness for more than a decade. I'm hoping the new regime will fulfill the life-long wish of Edward, to once again fill the Q mansion with his family. It would be a wonderful legacy to get A.J., Ned, Dillon, Monica, Tracy, and any other Quartermaine they want to resurrect, back under one roof.
(Kate complains that her bachelor party is a snooze, despite Olivia's encouragement that it's going well.)
Kate: "Please, this place is deader than Boca after Jeopardy."
(Anna questions Todd about why he hired wacko Heather to work at his newspaper as a gossip columnist.)
Todd: "She's a lunatic. She's completely bonkers."
Anna: "You consider that a career asset?"
Todd: "In my business, absolutely... I gave her the benefit of the doubt, until she started shooting people."
(Jax chats up his old friend, Alexis, about her love life.)
Jax: "Shawn Butler?"
Alexis: "Is that a question or a statement?"
(Kate comes on to Milo after he strips at her bachelorette party.)
Kate: "I was also unaware you were packing so much heat."
Milo: "Just a nine millimeter and a back-up pistol, but that's pretty standard equipment for any bodyguard."
Kate: (Caressing Milo's naked biceps) Those aren't the guns I'm talking about.
Thanks so much for all the emails. Keep them coming. Several of you shared your dislike of the new version of Kristina and the fact that another alleged rapist, Joe Jr., is being so well received by fans. Here's what other fans are saying -- and remember to share your thoughts with me, and you may see them pop up in my next column. Thanks!
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